Step #9. I absolutely must get to the real reasons and honestly and fearlessly examine why I seek comfort and pleasure in cooked foods.

The following is a dialog between students in one of my classes. I hope it helps you understand why you seek solace and pleasure in cooked foods.

Victoria: I would love for everyone here to share the real reasons why he or she seeks solace in food. I want to reiterate that when you speak sincerely, others listen to you with more interest, t.к. we all share the same problems. We differ in how we were raised, but we all feel the same way. When we are honest, it helps others to have courage, even if they are not yet ready to share their problems. They may have the thought, "How can he say that? He is remarkably accurate in describing things I'm afraid to say." After we sincerely share our problems, we feel relief and joy.
Paul: Food is in my mouth before I even think about it
Sharon: Food is a comfort to me. I have eighteen brothers and sisters. When I was 10 years old, my mom died of cancer. That's when I started using food as comfort.
Simon: Ice cream is an addiction of mine. It brings me pleasure in which I draw self-affirmation, even if I don't like who I am. This addiction helps me assert myself.
Donna: I work hard and I work hard. And at the end of a long day at work, I want to give myself something to fill the void.
Victoria: Maybe you could try something else that gives you joy, like growing flowers or horseback riding. It'll give you something to look forward to after a hard day's work. Those hard work days won't disappear from your life along with the cooked food.
Paula: I keep being drawn to chocolate cake because I feel alone and am often afraid to stand up for myself and be honest about what I need.
John: When I need energy, instead of resting, I start eating.
Linda: When I was a little girl, I was fed by my grandmother and I felt her care through food. I realize now that I can take care of myself in other ways.
Mike: I eat out of laziness and idleness.
Victoria: Why do you experience laziness and idleness?
Mike: I live alone.
Victoria: Why does living alone lead to idleness? Do you think living with a partner will bring you health and happiness? If we feel lonely with ourselves, we will be lonely with a partner too. Thank you, Mike, for being sincere. So, why are we drawn to cooked food?
SIMON: Comfort.
Sharon: When I was growing up, we only ate at certain times. Very often I was hungry but had to wait for the allotted hour for lunch. I grew up with a constant fear of not having enough food to satisfy my hunger. And so, in order not to be hungry, I ate a lot.
Julie: I've always been under the control of my parents. Food was the only thing in my life that I had control over myself. No one could take my food away from me.
Victoria: There's a hidden magic in what we're doing now. If you clearly identify the reason why you seek solace in cooked food, that reason may disappear. Then it will be easier for you to stick to raw food dieting. Please try to carefully consider and pinpoint why you seek solace in cooked foods. Try to articulate that clearly, and don't be afraid.
John: When my deeply buried emotions suddenly surface, or when I feel defenseless, I need to eat something sweet to drown it out.
Victoria: You know it's possible to approach these emotions without a sweet tooth?
John: I want to do it, but I put it off every time.
Victoria: If we don't learn to sort out our emotions without the help of cooked food or sweets, we're going to stay stuck like this. Let's try to find some alternatives for ourselves.
Simon: Yeah, that's true. I recently had a major setback in my life and went back to cooked food.
Victoria: What are you trying to suppress or comfort? Why are you drawn to sweets in particular? Is it for comfort? For what? Does everyone understand my question? We honestly and fearlessly look for the reason why we need comfort in food. Don't you get pleasure just from knowing you're alive?

Donna: I'm bored and want to get out of this routine.
Victoria: Why is your life a chore? Life is beautiful! Change your life, and start living it! Victoria: Do you see the point in what I'm saying?
Donna: Yes, and sometimes I do. I want to understand why I give myself permission to fall back into a routine.
Victoria: Are we afraid of being uncomfortable without food? Where does that uncomfortableness come from? What are we afraid of?
Linda: For me personally, it's the fear of being empty. I also do things for others instead of myself, and then I get angry.
Victoria: Thank you for defining it so accurately! You can't say no. Then you start to feel regret and to comfort yourself, you nibble. It's important that you saw that, maybe now you won't do it again. We all have this problem to one degree or another. Very often when we first hear about raw foodism, we have a fear that it won't be able to fill the void that we know how to fill for a while with cooked food. It's not the raw food diet we're afraid of - it doesn't bite. We are afraid of that emptiness.
Mike: Sometimes I start eating when I don't feel like doing the work.
Julie: I agree, I too start eating to avoid other things I have to do.
Victoria: It's interesting that you used the words "must do". A few years ago, I made a decision not to do something simply because I "should". I decided to only do what I "love" to do. I had to learn to lovingly clean my house and lovingly sort through papers. Think about it. We can live without that heavy feeling that we "should" do this or that.
Susan: When I was little, I kept all my secrets to myself. I felt safe in the fact that I was invisible. I don't want to stand out and I don't want to be noticed.
Victoria: Isn't there another way to deal with this feeling of safety? For example, tell someone everything that has built up inside and feel safe.

Susan: I've tried this before - 10 years of therapy with a psychologist.
Donna: Too embarrassing.
Victoria: Let's break down what shame is. Why are we ashamed? Because we attach importance to what others think of us. All that really matters is what we think of ourselves. I've been ashamed of a whole bunch of different things my whole life, but when I frankly admitted to them, I found that all the shame disappeared. Everyone I've talked to has said they've been through it too. There's nothing unusual about it. For years I kept things private and my self-esteem was at a very low ebb. I've always tried to make myself look better, t.к. I thought I was worthless. But that's in the past now. Congratulations to you, Susan, for having the courage to say that in front of everyone. That's courage!
Sharon: I was in about the same situation. That's why I couldn't lose weight. I only lost weight after I switched to raw food dieting. I felt just like you. I avoided being attractive, being in public. Getting past my fears has been invaluable to me. I'm finally comfortable in my body, and instead of running away from problems, I'm facing them head on. I've found my freedom.

Victoria: We have carefully parsed all opinions and found that the real reason we seek comfort in food is to avoid something. When we seek pleasure in cooked foods, we are trying to avoid loneliness, idleness, low self-esteem, anger, fear, and other negative emotions. We escape into what gives us pleasure. When we clearly see the real reason why we seek comfort, we can begin to work on our problems and their resolution instead of stuffing them with food..